Understanding Grooming

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What is Grooming?

Grooming is a deliberate process where an offender builds a trusting relationship with a child and sometimes their family to gain power, manipulate the child, and prepare them for abuse.

Common Grooming Tactics

Grooming usually follows a recognizable pattern:

  1. Identifying and targeting a victim

  2. Gaining trust and access

  3. Playing a role in the victim’s life

  4. Isolating the victim and creating secrecy

  5. Initiating sexual contact

  6. Controlling the victim through fear tactics or false affection

Groomers often display behaviors that may include:

  • Building Trust: Giving gifts, offering extra attention, or becoming someone the child feels they can trust.

  • Gaining Control: Isolating the child from friends or family and making them feel dependent on the groomer.

  • Encouraging Secrecy: Asking the child to keep secrets or using guilt, fear, or shame to keep the abuse hidden.

  • Manipulating the Child: Gradually crossing boundaries, making inappropriate behavior seem normal, and convincing the child the relationship is special.

  • Online Grooming: Using social media, online games, or messaging apps to build a relationship while hiding their true identity.

Grooming Behaviors

(National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, n.d.),

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. (2025, October 1)

Protective Factors

Children are better protected from grooming and abuse when they have:

  • Trusted Adults: Caring adults they can talk to when something doesn't feel right.

  • Open Communication: Honest conversations where children feel safe asking questions or sharing concerns.

  • Body Safety Education: Learning about healthy boundaries, consent, and the difference between safe and unsafe secrets.

  • Strong Family Support: Parents and caregivers who are involved in their child's life and know who they spend time with.

  • Online Safety: Guidance on using social media, gaming platforms, and messaging apps safely.

  • Positive Relationships: Supportive relationships with family, teachers, coaches, and other trusted adults.

  • Safe Communities: Schools and community organizations that promote child safety, education, and prevention.

These protective factors can help reduce a child's risk of grooming and make it more likely they will seek help if they feel unsafe (Zych & Marín-López, 2024).

Zych, I., & Marín-López, I. (2024). Risk and protective factors for child sexual abuse and interventions against child sexual abuse: An umbrella review. Campbell Systematic Reviews, 20(4), e70000. https://doi.org/10.1002/cl2.70000